In the realm of understanding human emotions, few experts have delved as deeply as psychologist, author, and speaker, Dr. Steven Stosny. Renowned for his insights into anger, abuse, and violence, Dr. Stosny’s work offers a beacon of guidance in a world often clouded by emotional turbulence. In this article, we embark on a journey through his teachings, shedding light on the profound concepts of anger, compassion, Core Value, and Core Hurts. As we explore these intricate threads, you’ll find insights that may resonate deeply, guiding you towards emotional well-being and personal growth.

Understanding Anger’s Essence

At its core, anger is a self-revealing emotion that propels us towards one singular purpose: a fight. Dr. Stosny asserts that anger serves as a direct indicator of our Core Value’s status. It’s an outcry of powerlessness, its intensity often mirroring our perceived lack of control.

Dr. Stosny underscores the significance of power, highlighting its role in acting in our long-term best interests. Responsibility grants us the power to enhance our lives, while blame leaves us shackled in helplessness.

The Compassionate Path

Central to our exploration is compassion, a potent force with transformative capabilities. Dr. Stosny’s perspective on compassion encompasses several key facets:

1. More Than Love: Compassion outweighs love when devoid of it. Love unaccompanied by compassion can manifest as controlling or possessive, potentially veering into dangerous territory.
2. Understanding Core Hurts: Compassion involves sympathetically comprehending our Core Hurts and those of others. It stems from recognizing the underlying pain that influences behavior.
3. Self-Worth and Love: Loving others stems from our desire to feel worthy of love ourselves. It acknowledges our inherent Core Value and extends the same acknowledgment to others, even amidst disagreements.
4. Recognizing Core Value: Compassion is grounded in acknowledging our Core Value and that of others, irrespective of present actions or viewpoints. It’s an acknowledgment of shared human dignity.
5. Motivation for Right Action: Compassion acts as a motivation to make choices aligned with moral and ethical principles. It empowers us to tread the path of integrity.
6. Not Forgiveness, Not Condoning: Compassion should not be mistaken for forgiveness or condoning offensive behavior. It doesn’t necessitate reinstating broken relationships.

The Healing Power of Compassion

Compassion’s healing potency extends beyond its initial scope. Dr. Stosny emphasizes its role in shielding us from Core Hurts. However, he notes that the more intense our pain, the more challenging it becomes to cultivate compassion.

Crucially, compassion is intertwined with assertiveness – advocating for our rights and emotions. This symbiotic relationship ultimately diffuses anger, paving the way for emotional harmony.

The Essence of Core Value

Core Value serves as the bedrock of our self-concept, encompassing our sense of security, self-esteem, creativity, and personal power. Dr. Stosny portrays Core Value as a beacon guiding us through life’s tumultuous waters. When connected to our Core Value, our actions align harmoniously, free from the impulse to control or harm.

Empowering Self-Statements

Dr. Stosny’s self-statement encapsulates the essence of Core Value:

“I am deserving of respect, value, and compassion, regardless of external validation. My intrinsic worth is unshakable. I respect and value myself, acknowledging my unique essence. I extend compassion to my own wounds and to those of others. I trust my ability to act in my best interests and the interests of my loved ones.”

Core Hurts: Unveiling the Catalyst

Embedded within our emotional landscape are Core Hurts, encompassing emotions of disregard, guilt, powerlessness, and more. When triggered, Core Hurts lead to a rapid decline in Core Value, often unnoticed. To shield ourselves from these painful blows, many of us instinctively turn to anger, aggression, or resentment.

Unmasking the Core Hurts-Anger Connection

The connection between Core Hurts and anger becomes apparent. Core Hurts inflict damage on our Core Value, igniting a defensive response. Anger, in its fervent attempt to protect us, emerges as a potent defense mechanism against perceived threats to our Core Value.